Where does love come from?
by justx4xbeingxme
Summary: Lily's life seem to be perfect. But as every teen of her age she has doubts and fears. Find out what happens when she realizes that love can be found everywhere. Rated R for a reason. (( u r warned )) Chapter 4 up! R&R!
1. CH 1

Declaimer: I don't own anything u recognize.  
  
Authors brief note:  
  
Hi!!! I love reading ffs and I love writing them. *lol* Hope you enjoy this one. and review!!!  
  
Lily's P.O.V.  
  
There's gotta be more to life  
  
I've got it all, but I feel so deprived. No matter what, when people's around me I can't stop feeling lonely. I know the way out, but it is just too risky.  
  
I'm sitting near the lake, next to the huge tree that grows there. It's shadow domains part of the grounds and it's orange leaves lay in the grass signaling autumn's coming. The air's fairly cool and it makes my hair fling looking flamy ((ok that word doesn't exist I know but sounds good)), I feel how my fair skin turns slightly red as I close my eyes and think.  
  
Frank's coming from the castle. He seems to be a bit tired and sort of untidy , but still his perfect brun hair half covers his gorgeous bright honey eyes. His tan skin seems to glow with the first rays of sunlight. As he walks to me I stare looking stupid, what's wrong with me when it comes to Frank? I really don't know. I love the way her stands and lays his back on the wall, I love the way his voice catches my ear in a perfect compass, I love the way we messes my hair with his soft fingers.  
  
Suddenly something wakes me from my dream, Frank's standing next to me. He looks at me looks something's wrong. I look up and he kneels saying in a low but still hearable tone of voice.  
  
"I've been looking for you." My heart stops for a second and my mouth draws a smile in my face. I don't want to answer cause I'm afraid to ruin that moment. Again my thoughts are interrupted by his kind of sexy voice.  
  
"I missed you." He puts his mouth closer to my ear as he leaves a kiss on my still slightly blushed cheek.  
  
"Lily?" Frank asks sounding confused. I try to say something but instead I just kiss his cheek too and nod. My minds in blank now. He pulls himself back and sits facing me, then blows a sweet kiss, oh I love when he does that!  
  
"Flower" He says.  
  
"You are such a pretty flower" I smile sweetly without saying a single word, I'm not really a talkative person, at least not with boys, cause when I'm with my (girl) friends I just can't stop.  
  
"That bad am I?" Lowers his head. I giggle and my emerald green eyes sprinkle.  
  
" No, you are not. I was just. thinking."  
  
"About me?" I nod and look around avoiding his killing eyes.  
  
"I hope you are thinking nicely about me." I giggle again feeling a bit embarrassed. I wonder if telling him I was thinking about him was a good idea.  
  
"Are you feeling well, Lils?"  
  
"Yes, of course."  
  
"Are you sure" Sits next to me and lays his head on my shoulder. I take my time to answer as I take a deep breathe to smell his hair.  
  
"Yes" My answer sounds weak and distant. I'm not sure if it was completely true. He turns to face me again and puts his body closer to mine, takes my scarf off my neck gently almost sweetly and leaves it next to the tree. His honey eyes illuminate my face as I close my eyes perceiving what's coming. I can feel his soft lips caressing mines. My whole body trembles as I put my right hand on his soft peached cheek. His tongue knocks slowly in my upper lip and I, almost immediately, open my mouth so it can pass. Our tongues tease each other and I lay my head to my left side. As we increase the intention of the kiss he bites my lower lip softly. I try to catch some air but seems it doesn't work, so the kiss is interrupt by a hard cough coming from my throat.  
  
"S-s-sorry." I say blushing again, now, feeling really embarrassed. I look up at him as I cough once again and he grins funnily.  
  
"It's okay, Lily." And puts his hand around my waist. I smile weakly and cough a couple of times more. Then I out again my hand on his cheek and try to kiss him. But he pulls his body back and puts a finger on my lips.  
  
"It's time to go." I look at my watch and sigh deeply. It was true, time to go. He stands up and lends me his hand, I take it and smile while standing up. After starting walking back to the castle I try to unwrinkled my robes and catch my scarf. I place it around my neck and we walk together holding hands feeling the wind in our faces.  
  
Inside the castle I see some students coming out and in to the Great Hall. My ear catches my name and I turn to the stairs and spot one of my friends.  
  
"Alice" I shout and wave at her leaving Frank's hand. She runs up to me smiling brightly.  
  
"Hey Lily." Turns to Franks and smiles weakly, "Frank."  
  
"Hi" He answers without even looking at her and starts walking into the Hall.  
  
"Lily." I catch some sadness in that phrase.  
  
"What's wrong Alice?" I say following Frank's path to the Hall.  
  
She smiles at me and says enthusiastically, but still a bit sad, "Forget it. I was just talking non sense."  
  
"Okay." And sit in a far corner at the Gryffindor table. Alice sits next to me and sipps some pumpkin juice, I wasn't feeling hungry so I just stared at the crown around me. I spotted Sirius sitting with Remus and Peter, but something's missing I say to myself and look around. "Where's Potter?" I was about to ask, but my question was answered immediately. Potter stood from the Ravenclaw's table and sat next to Sirius, his usual place.  
  
"Hey mate." I heard Sirius saying.  
  
"Hi" James answered back and his big hazel eyes pointed at me. He stared for a moment but I turned around and began to talk with Alice about our next double potions class with the Slytherins. Not that I really cared about it.  
  
Twenty minutes later Alice, Molly and I exited the Great Hall and began to walk downstairs to the potions classroom. It was not time yet for the class to start but we just didn't wanted to be late.  
  
Sorry about shortness!!! I have loads of hmwrk and Im not that inspired. Please review!!! I need some reviews to continue the story. 


	2. CH 2

Author's brief note:  
  
I love every review! Thank you very very much!! *winks*  
  
This chapter is dedicated to my really best friend Marianne who's passing through something really hard in her life!! I'm sure everything's going to b all right!! *hugglztodeath* Remember that I'll ALWAYS be there for you. *sighs* So back to the fic thinggy enjoy the new chappy!!! *lol*  
  
Still Lily's P.O.V.  
  
Friend is a four letter word  
  
For me, coming from you, friend is a four letter word. I sigh deeply as I write this is a tiny clean piece of parchment. I'm sitting at a really far corner in the back of the classroom avoiding my potions class. Molly's sitting next to me, she's my partner and Alice's sitting in front with my good friend Remus. I look around and spot Narcissa and James having sort of a fight, Sirius staring nastily and Lucius and Peter staring at the emptiness trying to avoid Severus ugly face.  
  
Now I'll get back to my sentence. **A four letter word** There are loads of words that have just four letters, but the one I'm referring to is LOVE.  
  
"Nice Evans. You don't have to hide it anymore I now know you love me." I look up and spot a tall guy, with fair skin and muscular body, he's wearing a pair of round silver glasses covering two beautiful big hazel eyes. His black straight hair completely covers his forehead looking messy. He passes his hand through his hair and messes it more while I examine his expression. Suddenly a late reaction comes to me and I hide the piece of parchment behind the table.  
  
"It is NOT for you Potter!" He leaned on the desk getting closer to me and whispered smirking.  
  
"So your answer is still no, uh?" I nod nastily and turn to Molly who's having the time of her life combining different substances and herbs in a cauldron.  
  
"Okay" I heard James saying and walking back to his sit with Narcissa. Molly turned to me too and giggled.  
  
"He's crazy about you."  
  
"No, he's not. He just wants me in bed." Molly giggles again and Alice turns around raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I don't think that's true. I'm starting to believe he really likes you, just think straight about it, how long has he being fancying you?" I roll my eyes in exasperation and say coldly.  
  
"I'm not discussing this anymore." Those were my last words during class.  
  
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"Lily! Lily! Wait for us!" I turn around and glare at them as I stop walking. Remus stands next to me breathing heavily putting a hand on his chest.  
  
"What?" I ask almost nastily and turn to walk again.  
  
"Lily. Lily."  
  
"Remus, Molly I don't want to be late!" I open a dark wood heavy door and step inside an almost empty classroom. My eyes catch the blackboard full of tiny numbers and letters that seemed to have no sense.  
  
"Umm." I clean my throat and Professor Flitwick turns to face me.  
  
"Oh! Miss Evans, welcome, welcome! Please have a seat. I'm giving today Professor McNeila's class. Poor her she's been a bit sick but surely she'll be okay for next class." He smiles politely and points at an empty seat. Remus and Molly entered behind me and sat next to me. I look around, as I always do.  
  
"Okay, we'll wait for others to come to start."  
  
"Hmm. Professor." Remus raises his voice.  
  
"Yes Mr. Lupin?"  
  
"Well, there are no others. We are the only 5th graders taking this class."  
  
"Oh I see." His face seem to blush but I'm not completely sure. I look out the window and see the trees swinging in perfect motion. How much I wish to be outside with Frank's arms around me, immerse in a nice warm hug. His breath against my skin, his lips upon mines, his eyes pointing at me and.  
  
"Lils." Molly punches my back gently and I shake my head slowly. Everyone is staring at me looking confused.  
  
"Oh. I'm sorry Professor, I didn't have much sleep last night and."  
  
"Okay, Okay, let's continue I was saying that Arithmancy began in the earlier XI century and." His voice had an sleepy effect in me. His words sounded like that old song Mom used to sing.  
  
As we, I mean, Molly and I gaze to our next "Care of Magical Creatures" class, I began to recall my last fantasy. Frank and I. yeah. I hear my name and I look around feeling a bit confused. What was happening to me?  
  
"Lilyann Evans what where you thinking?!" Frank's coming downstairs running. "Frank!" I say smiling brightly as he hugs me back and kisses my cheek. I kiss him too closing my eyes enjoying the soft smell of his hair and clothes. He messes my hair as he passes his soft long fingers through it. I smile feeling his body against mine forgetting about the world around us. He closed his eyes and I did so too, then got his face closer to mine, when he was about to kiss me.  
  
"Eww. get a room Longbottom!" Molly exclaims and I glare at her. It was well known that Molly was not that type of girl that has a boyfriend and, in her own words, "exhibits their hornyness all around the castle". In my personal opinion that's a really girlish, foolish thought.  
  
"Molly, sweetie." He leaves me and hugs Molly friendly.  
  
"Get out of here Frank, I'm not, well, we are not your sex toys. And if your little perv brain doesn't mind we'll be late to our next class." She grabbed my hand and pull but I appeared to be strong enough to resist and stayed where I was standing.  
  
"Okay." She said nastily and began to walk downstairs. I looked at her as she disappeared then turned to Frank.  
  
"I suppose this means we are going to spend this our together. Cause I'm not letting you go to class." I nod and hug him again. He turned to both sides of the empty hall and started walking upstairs. The stair changed its path and turned from one hall to the other. My knees trembled and I almost fell with the rude movement of the staircase. Frank grabbed my waist and pulled me nearer to his chest so there was no chance for me to fall, or breath.  
  
We keep on walking not caring about anything or anybody else, our hands sweating beneath the warmth of our bodies. The castle seems deserted, we must be in the 7th floor. Frank pulls me forward and whispered into my ear.  
  
"I want you." I come speechless. My blushed cheek's burning. My hands and knees are trembling badly. It is something new for me, but he seems to have experience, he sounded and looked quite confident, extremely confident. I can almost swear he was waiting for this moment to come.  
  
He passed his hand under my coat marking the curves of my waist and hips. I gave a small step back and a low scared moan escape my throat. He laid his mouth on my neck kissing it enthusiastically. My eyes closed, my skin burning and my hands trying to find a suitable place.  
  
"Around my neck, Lils" He says quickly and I obey almost immediately. Kisses suddenly start to become stronger and more passionate. The moment's coming, a defendless feeling runs through my veins. Half of me really desires it, the other half is quite scared.  
  
What should I do? I ask to myself while he undones the upper buttons of my blouse.  
  
By this point I am really scared. Is he really going to do this? He took those fingers that once when running through my hair to the inside of my blouse massaging my breasts with a circular movement. There's nothing I can do to stop this, is there? I'm so scared and for some strange and unknown reason the picture of my family comes to my mind.  
  
He works his way to my shoulder by pulling the sleeve of my blouse down. Then he leaves soft butterfly kisses all along my arm as I pull my head back enjoying.  
  
He stands to face me again and I turn to face him too. Without thinking it twice he kisses me deeply while taking my bra off. My gold and dark red scarf difficultly covers my breasts. My chest seems to glow with tiny drops of salty sweat that Frank started sipping slowly.  
  
Both my blouse and coat fall heavily. I hesitate for a moment, but all my strength come back to me when I reveal his muscular tanned chest throwing his scarf and shirt to the floor. The air caresses my nipples and goosebumps run down my spine making me arching it. Then we stare for a moment examining each other's expressions. What am I doing? I ask again forcing myself to stop and pushing Frank back gently.  
  
"I can't do this." I hear myself saying, it sounds to me like somebody else is saying that.  
  
"Why? Don't you love me?" I can't say if he's mad or sad. His facial expression was new to me.  
  
"Yes. I love you." It was barely embarrassing. "I just don't think I'm ready."  
  
"What?" He said looking amazed and raising his voice a bit.  
  
I let a tear ran off my cheek and pick my blouse and coat.  
  
"I'm sorry, Lils." He says, but I'm not sure he really meant it. "I know this must be hard. I promise it won't happen again."  
  
That was not the answer I expected, but was better than I thought.  
  
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The return to reality was a nightmare, I felt weird with what just happened and Frank seemed a little bothered too. What did I did wrong? Is it a crime to say no? I just don't feel ready, yet. We entered to the Great Hall silently and sat in different places. Five minutes after me Molly, Alice, Sirius and Remus entered and sat next to me. Then the usual round of "Hello" "Hi" and "Ssup?" came. I was expecting this to happen, Molly glared at me a couple of times before saying.  
  
"Where have you been?" She looked kind of angry and barely uncomfortable with what she thought would be the answer.  
  
"Nowhere important." I answered avoiding her eyes and serving some roast beef in my plate.  
  
"What do you mean by that? I saw you walking upstairs with Frank!"  
  
"Well, yes I did walked upstairs with him, but then we decided to go to the Common Room and play some chess, you know how much he enjoys chess." I lied.  
  
"You can lie to anybody except me, Lily" Then Alice turned to face us interrupting her chat with Remus about his prefect duties, she said smiling:  
  
"And me!" Then she turned again with Remus and began to say something about pranks and how this was related to the lack of confidence between Professors and students.  
  
"I've told you, that was what we did and I'm not discussing this anymore." I looked around trying to calm myself when I saw James sitting again at the Ravenclaw's table.  
  
"Why do you always do this Lily?" But I ignored her pissing question and said to Sirius.  
  
"What's Potter doing again there?"  
  
"Oh!" He said smirking just like James did in the potions class. "He has a *petit ami*" He laughed out loud, but I didn't recognize the joke.  
  
He must noticed my askingly look when he add. "A flirt, Lils!"  
  
"Oh." Again that was everything I could say. I concentrated in the roast beef again but my appetite was gone, I stood and Molly and Alice did too. We walked out the Hall and upstairs to the Common Room where we usually spend our free hour every Friday.  
  
Okay I suppose this chappy is longer. maybe not better. what do u think? Well please review!!! Thanks to all the **beautiful people** that reviewed first chappy, I'm really happy!!! BTW if u haven't noticed every chappy is titled by one of my favorite songs and starts with the lyric. I hope you liked it!!! And please read my story: Never Again and tell me what u think. 


	3. CH 3

Author's Brief Note:  
  
This is a quite short and "special" chapter. Took me a long time, I think I had one of those "writers block" or however they are called. Anyway, I hope u enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
  
This chapter is special cause it is a song/chapter, and since this is a song-fic that doesn't surprise anyone. The thing is that this is based on one of my new favorite songs "Whisper" - by Evanescence- , a girl at school gave me this CD and I just loved it, so hope u like it and remember:  
  
I don't own anything u recognize.  
  
Lily's P.O.V.  
  
Whisper  
  
(( that's the name of the song but I would rather call this chapter: ))  
  
Soul Reader  
  
"Catch me as I fall , say you are here and it's all over now."  
  
I throw myself along the bed as I declaim this words, I felt exhausted everything around me was spinning. I had no strength in my muscles to move a tiny centimeter.  
  
"Speaking to the atmosphere, no one's here and I fall into myself."  
  
Everything's over, everything I once believed in is gone, my life is emptier than ever. There's no where to run or hide. I can't find the way out.  
  
"This truth drives me into madness, I know I can stop if I will it all away."  
  
My eyes start to close slowly, my last sigh of the day is released and I fall asleep.  
  
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Narrator's P.O.V.  
  
"Where's Evans?" A deep voice asks as the owner of it comes into the Common Room.  
  
"Upstairs" Molly answers without looking off her Arithmancy book.  
  
"Still?" James raises both eyebrows. "This is the first time she acts like this. Have anyone told her world isn't over?"  
  
"Oh! Shut up! She's just trying to lead with it!" The girl answers feeling a bit sorry for her friend.  
  
"Lead with it? Frank just dump her, is nothing important!"  
  
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Lily's P.O.V.  
  
I finally got the courage of facing the world again. This has been a really hard week, but now I feel better.´  
  
A cool breeze hits my lungs as I open the door to the grounds. There was no moon that night, just glowing din white stars.  
  
I got lost in time looking around at each tree of the Forbidden Forrest. Every tree was different, every tree was special and though they seemed to be in such a deep peace. My face keeps it's wondering expression as I sit in a prominent root of what I considered the oldest tree ever. It's trunk was tuff, huge, leaves were falling from everywhere with a green/yellow tone, they kept me in an invisible cage of fresh air that comforted my perturbed soul.  
  
"Don't turn away, Don't give in to the pain, Don't try to hide. Don't close your eyes, God knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the light, never sleep, never die."  
  
I didn't know from where these soft phrases came from, but I was almost sure it's owner was not the average type of person. I knew what they meant, but wasn't sure they were said for me. Then I saw "it". The most wonderful animal laid its head on my lap. A dark brown stag with a pair of extremely beautiful hazel eyes stared at me for a while. Then I whispered.  
  
"I'm frightened by what I see, but somehow I know that there's much more to come, immobilized by my fear and soon to be blinded by tears, I can stop the pain if I really will it all away."  
  
He seemed to understand perfectly how I felt, but then only repeated.  
  
"Don't turn away, Don't give in to the pain, Don't try to hide. Don't close your eyes, God knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the light, never sleep, never die."  
  
And left, I saw him disappearing between the trees a soft layer of mist covering him.  
  
Sorry I changed the point of view "several" times, but it was part of the charm. * lol * So hope u liked it and plz: R&R 


	4. CH 4

Author's Brief Note:  
  
I'm afraid to pause this story, cause I may loose the wire of it. So I don't care if no one reads it, I'll just continue till someone notices it is here. However, thanks to all my amazing reviewers that are few but constant, I guess.  
  
Maraurders Lil Girl  
  
you know you're right  
  
JaMeSiSmYSwEeTiE  
  
RaeRaeAngelBaby  
  
Optical Illusions  
  
LiLy*eVaNs*PoTTer2 : Frank is a Gryffindor (I can't remember well if in the book he was a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff). He is in 6th or 7th grade, I think I haven't decided yet how old this characters are (suggestions allowed).  
  
Trinity Day : Sorry if the author's note I added in the 1st chapter annoyed you, I haven't added any other A/N in the middle of the story. And for what you mentioned about my summary, you were totally right and I'm sorry it was my mistake, you can see I've changed that.  
  
Now that everything is clear, I may continue with the fan fic, but before I do I have an announcement to make. All my stories, including of course this one "Never Again" and "Tourniquet" will be up dated in January the 1st. Till then this is the last up date of the year I hope you like it. Enjoy your holidays.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
- Julie -  
  
James' P.O.V.  
  
With or Without You  
  
See the stone set in your eyes.  
  
See the thorn twist in your side.  
  
I wait for you.  
  
That night I kept my precious in my school bag and smirked out of the Common Room. I don't know how I got to the grounds without being seen since I wasn't wearing my invisibility cloak.  
  
The time was perfect, there was no moon light and everything was dark enough to set things up. That prank me and Sirius planned was huge. So I got to the tree that grows next to the lake and started preparing things with the barely bright light coming from my wand.  
  
My reflect on the lake distracted me for a second, and then I stared at it. My thoughts blinded by my feeling started to come out. Why in the name of the lord James you had to fall in love of her? Why in the name of the lord Frank dumped the most amazing, beautiful, sweet and polite girl in the hole world? He didn't understand what he had lost. Wish I was him, wish I was him at the moment she kissed him for first time.  
  
Something out of context caught my ear. Someone was walking down hill and through the forest, they didn't know the forest was a dangerous place to be, I guessed. But what if it was a professor? What if I followed that person and caught me in the middle of the night doing God knows what? I looked hesitant for a moment, then the perfect idea came, I'm an animagus!  
  
And with this words still in mind, slowly I started to change my human form to the brunette stag I could become. Still hesitant I followed the pad that person had taken, through the forest, always aware of what was around me.  
  
Several minutes passed and still there was no sign of someone there. I was starting to believe that tiredness cheated on me. But soon I realized it didn't. The person was sitting on a root staring at the emptiness. Who is this? I asked myself and started to walk to him or her. Then I noticed the emerald green glow in her eyes and her flame red hair that matched perfectly. Lily Evans was there, in the middle of the dark dangerous Forbidden Forrest.  
  
As I stared deeper and deeper into her eyes I noticed that the glow in them was not the one that used to be shown. It was a sad dark glow (If that was possible.) blinded by a confused soul. I knew what she was thinking, somehow every time I changed my form from human to stag I can feel 'feelings', I can see more of people's heart this way than in the human one.  
  
The slight frown in her face draw in me a consternation. The frown combined with the glow in her eyes, the way she looked, everything got me to just one conclusion. I was sure I was overreacting a bit, but she thought about ending her life, I know. Even if it was just for one second she did thought about it.  
  
"Don't turn away, Don't give in to the pain, Don't try to hide. Don't close your eyes, God knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the light, never sleep, never die."  
  
I said laying my stag head on her lap without hesitating and staring at her. She looked a bit frightened but slowly she loosen up. Then understanding what I had just said she replied.  
  
"I'm frightened by what I see, but somehow I know that there's much more to come, immobilized by my fear and soon to be blinded by tears, I can stop the pain if I really will it all away."  
  
I studied every word she spoke, looking for something I didn't got. I shook my head a couple of times and let go of her lap. There was only one thing to do now.  
  
"Don't turn away, Don't give in to the pain, Don't try to hide. Don't close your eyes, God knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the light, never sleep, never die."  
  
And so I left her there, alone, in the middle of the forest, but what she didn't know is that in reality I didn't left her alone, I made sure she was back at the castle healthy as always, with not even a scratch. I followed her as a stag out of the forest then changed to my human form hiding behind the trees as she walked back.  
  
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Lily's P.O.V.  
  
The next day I woke up at midday, the sun was shinning in all it's glory. The light came through my eyelids as I revealed my emerald green eyes. It was Saturday, glorious Saturday, no school, no homework, no nothing. I was planning to show Frank Longbottom how I was through it.  
  
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Sorry about shortness. It's just that my family is planning this huge X- Mass party and (obviously) I have to help. So I better go now and see what is going on with the dinner. Till Janury 1st, I wish you really happy holidays!!! 


End file.
